Thursday, October 27, 2011


Econocorn is the world’s fastest growing corn. By current FDA standards, our corn is completely free of pesticides: it has been genetically modified to naturally repulse corn borers and other insects that can destroy as much as 20% of a farmer’s crop each year.
Here at Econocorn we pass the savings on to YOU, the consumer! Products made using our corn are, on average, 20% cheaper than other corn products, and can be as much as 40% less expensive than so-called “organic” corn-based food products.
Econocorn Corporation is committed to you, our farmers: We are the world leader in genetically and pharmaceutically engineered Pharming technology. Our feedlot products contain all of the essential nutrients and drugs necessary to yield excellent growth in beef, chicken and goats, resulting in animals that are strong and healthy because every bite of their feed is enhanced with growth hormones and antibiotics, to ensure fast, healthy weight gain with no need for expensive veterinary visits. We can get your animals from birth to slaughter in minimum time, at maximum weight and completely free of any trace of sickness (as currently defined by the Food and Drug Administration standards).
Econocorn Corporation is committed to you, our customers: Econo-Pharming produces pharmaceutically enhanced seeds for corn crops that can give your family all the same benefits listed above for animal feed crops. With genetic engineering, anything from aspirin to prescription drugs can be produced by the corn plant itself. Our Econo-Genetics Laboratory in Huntsville, Arkansas, has developed state-of-the-art technology for genetically enhancing seeds. The only thing standing between you and this wonderful advance in food technology is the FDA’s outdated food safety laws, most of which were written in the middle of the last century, at a time when genetic modification was only a distant dream. Econo-Labs’ fine team of scientists have now made that dream a reality. Genetically modified corn can bring you perfect health in every bite of food on your plate, without any need to ever visit a doctor or a pharmacy again—ever! Just read the label: all you have to do is buy the corn flakes that fit your medical needs, then eat the appropriate portion quantity listed on the “Serving Suggestion” label.
The world famous Econo-Farm welcomes school tours! Bring the kiddies to our educational Pharming facility. Take them to our genetic petting zoo! Learning about genetic engineering can be fun. But remember: progress can only come if our products are someday approved by the Food and Drug Administration. Write your congressman TODAY. To arrange school tours, a Principal or other school district administrator should contact our office. We look forward to serving you.

Wednesday, October 26, 2011

Prospectus



Econocorn Corporation has Corporate Headquarters located on its 40,000-acre experimental farm near Huntsvillle, AR. This facility houses an 800,000 sq.ft. genetic engineering plant where seed manipulation takes place; a sixteen-story office building, which includes penthouse housing for visiting executives, and a corporate entertainment facility and restaurant (Only FDA approved foods are served); and finally a 1.2-million sq. ft. shipping and handling facility, served by its own railroad connections. We also have contractual holdings consisting of 18 million acres of farmland in Indonesia, Bolivia, and Peru, where the bulk of our feedlot products are produced.
The Corporation has an airport near the Huntsville farm (private air traffic only) which can handle planes up to the Boeing 714 or the Airbus Commuter in size.
Our Engineering Facility is equipped with the latest Remington genetic modification tools, and has its own micro-testing facility equipped with six separate Peters/Nolan electron microscopes.
At present, our products are approved for use in Africa and South America. Our modified corn products are distributed primarily to the sick and the starving in third world nations, providing as much as half the dietary intake for those populations, where medical problems are the most intractable because of lack of adequate diet and medicine availability. This market produces revenue of approximately $800 million dollars annually, plus associated charges to cover transport and distribution, totaling $300m yearly.
The Corporate President is Dr. Ra-Shawn Johnson. Dr. Johnson studied at Princeton before teaching at Oxford’s University College, where he had the honor to work briefly with the much-admired Prof. S. Hawging. Dr. Johnson holds his degree in Physics, in addition to a Doctorate in Economics. He came to us after ten years successful research work at Oxford’s Genetic and Genome Laboratories. His publications include “Humanity and Superhumanity: The Next Stage in Evolution” (Johns-Hopkins Press 2003); “Super-Race: The Creation of the New Human” (Random House, 2005) “Breaking the Eggshell: Planet Earth as a Stepping-Stone to the Stars” and “Genome B71: The New Science and the Search for Immortality” (both from University of Arkansas Press, 2008). Dr. Johnson is paid a salary of $800,000 annually, plus a full range of stock options currently totaling over $1.1 million. He resides in Huntsville, Arkansas with his wife and three children.
Econocorn Corporation is a subsidiary of Du Guerre Arms Corporation, which in turn is owned wholly by Chemico, the world’s leading maker of chemicals for military, industrial, and medical use. Controlling interest in The Corporation is presently held by Banque Suisse Corp., under its umbrella company Armageddon, Inc, which holds controlling interests in The New World Order Entertainment Co., as well as Trans-Greco Finance, Politco Military Personel, Rego Sniper Products, and Acme Demolition, to name just a few.

Tuesday, October 25, 2011

Legal Department Memo: Labelling Issue

Mr. Wallbanger and Mr. Johnson: 
Be advised that the President of the United States has issued a Directive that could negatively impact our public image, and could delay FDA approval of our corn products in the United States. This Directive requires that all foods containing GM ingredients should be labeled in a clear manner, so that consumers can make informed decisions about their purchases. While we in the legal office applaud his interest in free-market economics, we feel that these labels might be misinterpreted as health warnings, causing American consumers to avoid our corn, even though no negative health effects have been proved in our product. We should chart a legal agenda to put a stop to this before it starts. Product labeling in Europe has cost our Corporation billions of Euros. Nobody wants to eat anything that is  genetically modified. The legal department suggests the following rhetoric be applied to any public statements concerning this issue: 
"America is not a kingdom. The President does not have the legal power to give such a command, and we intend to do everything in our lawful power to assure that America's people do not lose their God-given right to make a free choice in the marketplace. When the public can decide for itself what brand to buy, we believe they will choose Econocorn, because we are the best. No misleading labels should be allowed on our products." 
A lawsuit has been filed in Circuit Court, Econocorn vs The President of the United States of America. Hearing is scheduled for August, 2013. 
Has Bill crunched the numbers yet?


George
PS: Are we playing this weekend?  Ten a.m. at the club. See you then.

Monday, October 24, 2011

Econocorn Accounting Office Memo

Mr. Johnson and Mr. Wallbanger:
As you requested, my people stayed up all night reviewing the sales projections. Our computer model indicates that if this labeling law goes into effect, losses will be significant. Even if George and his legal team can get the Directive overturned, by August our public image will be irreparably tainted by those labels. Nobody wants to touch food with a warning label on it, even though the test we did showed no harmful side effects to eating our products.
Best case scenario: If that law is permitted to go into effect, over the next five years Econocorn would lose $3 billion, give or take. This is ball-park, of course, but our computers have never been off by more than 2%.
It may be a little early to make such a drastic call, but this might be a job for Hans. His people could solve this problem before it becomes a problem...What does George think?


Bill.
PS: Are we still golfing this weekend? I just got a new set of clubs custom made. I'll whip your asses now.

Sunday, October 23, 2011

Corporate Statement from Harvey Wallbanger III


Following is a complete transcript of Mr. Wallbanger's statement:
 
People of America: My (HICCUP) name is Harvey Wallbanger III. I am the official spokesman for the Econocorn Corporation. I come to you tonight with a heavy heart.
It seems that the President of these great United States has taken it upon himself to … pass a law stating that we here at Econocorn, and the other great corporations in America who produce wonderful genetically modified foods, (HICCUP) we must label our foods saying that they are genetically modified.
While I have the greatest respect (HICCUP) for the President and for his policies, I feel that it is worthwhile to share with you a few thoughts.
One: We will challenge this law in the courts, we will challenge it in the supermarkets, we will (HICCUP) challenge in on the televisions and we will challenge it in the homes. NOBODY IS GOING TO KNOW WHAT THEY ARE EATING IN THIS COUNTRY! Because we feel, here at Econocorn, that the people don’t need to know how we make the food, they just need to know that it is corn that is in the can (HICCUP) They open the can, it is corn, they eat it. That’s what we have in mind. Because at Econocorn, you see, we want the people of America to be happy (HICCUP).
End of statement
For more about our friends, the wonderful people at PolitCo Military, visit their website!

Saturday, October 22, 2011

Legal Department Memo 2--Labeling Issue Update

Mr Wallbanger and Mr.  Johnson
Skype conference with Hans was held this morning, 2 a.m. Cochabamba time. He is in agreement, as is Bill and my entire legal team. We have to stop this labeling issue in its tracks or we could lose our North America market, and set the Ubermensch project back ten years. Hans has set a date in November to "perform" for us. Problem solved.


George
PS: Tell Margie her cassarole was great! And that wine you brought back from Paris--you know the good stuff!

Tuesday, October 4, 2011

Accounting Office Memo 2--new Entertainment Facility

Since the Nov. 24 "party" has been approved by Mr. Johnson and Mr. Wallbanger, we need to start financial planning for a new Entertainment Facility to replace the one where the "Birthday Blast" will take place. I've talked with the Italian architecture firm of Luciano Barbera. They are working on a design for us. The projected size will be double the current facility, to include a restaurant, bar, theater, shooting range equipped will fully automatic machine guns and sniper rifles, as well as  the usual paramilitary training equipment. We'll also provide permanent offices for Sicherheit, and housing for the "band." With Mr. Wallbanger's permission, I doubled our insurance on the current facility, which should help to cover replacement costs. George can arrange for Federal Emergency aid, so taxpayers will pay for the rest of our construction costs. Total damage estimate is $800 million, but we can pad that out as needed.
The legal office is working out the rest of the transition details.
All of us in Accounting are looking forward to November 24. It's gonna be a real blast!

Saturday, October 1, 2011

Internal Contact Directory

Directory
Use only secure lines when contacting anyone on this list.
No contact by news people with anyone on this list.
No contact from outside agencies with anyone on this list.
All contact with Entertainment Department must be made through Mr. Wallbanger.
Wallbanger, Harvey Director of Public Relations 555-555-5555 555-555-5555 mrgroovy@econogenes.com
Johnson, Ra-Shawn CEO 555-555-5555 555-555-5555 bigdog@econogenes.com
Schmidt, Bill Cheif Accountant 555-555-5555 555-555-5555 mathman@econogenes.com
Grolsch, George Head of Legal Affairs 555-555-5555 555-555-5555 bailmaker@econogenes.com
Gruber, Hans Entertainment Director 738-555-555-5555 (Bolivia) N/C N/C (Contact through Mr. Wallbanger only)