Legal Department Memo: Labelling Issue

Mr. Wallbanger and Mr. Johnson: 
Be advised that the President of the United States has issued a Directive that could negatively impact our public image, and could delay FDA approval of our corn products in the United States. This Directive requires that all foods containing GM ingredients should be labeled in a clear manner, so that consumers can make informed decisions about their purchases. While we in the legal office applaud his interest in free-market economics, we feel that these labels might be misinterpreted as health warnings, causing American consumers to avoid our corn, even though no negative health effects have been proved in our product. We should chart a legal agenda to put a stop to this before it starts. Product labeling in Europe has cost our Corporation billions of Euros. Nobody wants to eat anything that is  genetically modified. The legal department suggests the following rhetoric be applied to any public statements concerning this issue: 
"America is not a kingdom. The President does not have the legal power to give such a command, and we intend to do everything in our lawful power to assure that America's people do not lose their God-given right to make a free choice in the marketplace. When the public can decide for itself what brand to buy, we believe they will choose Econocorn, because we are the best. No misleading labels should be allowed on our products." 
A lawsuit has been filed in Circuit Court, Econocorn vs The President of the United States of America. Hearing is scheduled for August, 2013. 
Has Bill crunched the numbers yet?


George
PS: Are we playing this weekend?  Ten a.m. at the club. See you then.

Econocorn Accounting Office Memo

Mr. Johnson and Mr. Wallbanger:
As you requested, my people stayed up all night reviewing the sales projections. Our computer model indicates that if this labeling law goes into effect, losses will be significant. Even if George and his legal team can get the Directive overturned, by August our public image will be irreparably tainted by those labels. Nobody wants to touch food with a warning label on it, even though the test we did showed no harmful side effects to eating our products.
Best case scenario: If that law is permitted to go into effect, over the next five years Econocorn would lose $3 billion, give or take. This is ball-park, of course, but our computers have never been off by more than 2%.
It may be a little early to make such a drastic call, but this might be a job for Hans. His people could solve this problem before it becomes a problem...What does George think?


Bill.
PS: Are we still golfing this weekend? I just got a new set of clubs custom made. I'll whip your asses now.

Corporate Statement from Harvey Wallbanger III

Following is a complete transcript of Mr. Wallbanger's statement:
 

People of America: My (HICCUP) name is Harvey Wallbanger III. I am the official spokesman for the Econocorn Corporation. I come to you tonight with a heavy heart.

It seems that the President of these great United States has taken it upon himself to … pass a law stating that we here at Econocorn, and the other great corporations in America who produce wonderful genetically modified foods, (HICCUP) we must label our foods saying that they are genetically modified.

While I have the greatest respect (HICCUP) for the President and for his policies, I feel that it is worthwhile to share with you a few thoughts.

One: We will challenge this law in the courts, we will challenge it in the supermarkets, we will (HICCUP) challenge in on the televisions and we will challenge it in the homes. NOBODY IS GOING TO KNOW WHAT THEY ARE EATING IN THIS COUNTRY! Because we feel, here at Econocorn, that the people don’t need to know how we make the food, they just need to know that it is corn that is in the can (HICCUP) They open the can, it is corn, they eat it. That’s what we have in mind. Because at Econocorn, you see, we want the people of America to be happy (HICCUP).

End of statement

For more about our friends, the wonderful people at PolitCo Military, visit their website!

Legal Department Memo 2--Labeling Issue Update

Mr Wallbanger and Mr.  Johnson
Skype conference with Hans was held this morning, 2 a.m. Cochabamba time. He is in agreement, as is Bill and my entire legal team. We have to stop this labeling issue in its tracks or we could lose our North America market, and set the Ubermensch project back ten years. Hans has set a date in November to "perform" for us. Problem solved.


George
PS: Tell Margie her cassarole was great! And that wine you brought back from Paris--you know the good stuff!

Accounting Office Memo 2--new Entertainment Facility

Since the Nov. 24 "party" has been approved by Mr. Johnson and Mr. Wallbanger, we need to start financial planning for a new Entertainment Facility to replace the one where the "Birthday Blast" will take place. I've talked with the Italian architecture firm of Luciano Barbera. They are working on a design for us. The projected size will be double the current facility, to include a restaurant, bar, theater, shooting range equipped will fully automatic machine guns and sniper rifles, as well as  the usual paramilitary training equipment. We'll also provide permanent offices for Sicherheit, and housing for the "band." With Mr. Wallbanger's permission, I doubled our insurance on the current facility, which should help to cover replacement costs. George can arrange for Federal Emergency aid, so taxpayers will pay for the rest of our construction costs. Total damage estimate is $800 million, but we can pad that out as needed.
The legal office is working out the rest of the transition details.
All of us in Accounting are looking forward to November 24. It's gonna be a real blast!

Internal Contact Directory

Directory

Use only secure lines when contacting anyone on this list. No contact by news people with anyone on this list. No contact from outside agencies with anyone on this list. All contact with Entertainment Department must be made through Mr. Wallbanger.

Wallbanger, Harvey	Director of Public Relations	555-555-5555	555-555-5555	mrgroovy@econogenes.com
Johnson, Ra-Shawn	CEO	555-555-5555	555-555-5555	bigdog@econogenes.com
Schmidt, Bill	Cheif Accountant	555-555-5555	555-555-5555	mathman@econogenes.com
Grolsch, George	Head of Legal Affairs	555-555-5555	555-555-5555	bailmaker@econogenes.com
Gruber, Hans	Entertainment Director	738-555-555-5555 (Bolivia)	N/C	N/C (Contact through Mr. Wallbanger only)

Corporate Development

Ubermensch Project

It is the purpose of the Ubermensch Project to take mankind to its ultimate perfection. Too long have we grovelled in the dirt, trapped on this little planet, kept here by our own weakness, our unwillingness to do the hard work of forced evolution. But now the next stage of evolution is within our grasp. While it is true that the greater part of humanity must be subjugated and destroyed, the few who are strong enough can rise above them. Through careful application of a variety of forces...economic manipulations, unnatural food additives, chemical water additives, genetically altered food substances, and, through the use of chemtrails, alterations even of the air people breathe  ... the weak can be fed their own undoing, and the strong can rise above them in glory. Perhaps God, or Thomas Jefferson, or Samuel Colt made all men equal. Ubermensch shall certainly make all men very unequal. The strong shall rise to rule the universe! The brainchild of our glorious leader Dr. Johnson, Ubermensch offers mankind a new religion, a new, immortal life, and a new place in the universe. No more shall we be the slaves of nature. We shall rule nature, and remake it in our own image. SUBDIRECTORY___Secure access only